JJ: Be a Traveller not a Tourist

Same but different

2008-07-22T22:37:00.002+08:00

Today i woke up.. not knowing my eye shields came off. Then i found them on the floor.. i guessed it dropped n my cats played with them. Oh wells... luckily post op check stated i was good to go.. away to bangkok. wahahaha..... gd gd gd..

With my new vision of 6/4.5 on a day 2.. i still seem a whole rim of blur n clear in the middle. It feels like wearing unclean contact lenses, a lil dry, a lil feel of the corners, yet all tt is left is thinner layer of tissues in my eye.. I hope day by day it will get less blur.. more HD(High definition).... heehee

My mum shoulder x ray shows that her disjoint parts were around 13mm by 8mm.. i forgot the medical names of the bones that disjoint.. but i feel worried about her possiblity of doing op. Doctor didnt seem any confident to make any decision.. suggest op yet uncertain seeking advice call from specialist.Fucking waited for 2 over hours and getting a screwed up junior doc. Thanks for sub. clinics. SO, tml my mum has to see another shoulder specialist. I hope they better give her good advice. But it just doesnt sound good... the pain won't really go off even after surgery.. all the surgery does is lessen the amount of pain. Shit.... sad. Y not give me the pain, at least it might heal faster. My mum was so worried hearing the word surgery, she was shivering while waiting for doc. So imagine the real op. I cant imagine.

It funny sometimes.. how people try to be someone they are not.. or is it that there is always 2 sides to a person, just depends on how they want to protray themselves to u? I wonder wonder wonder y.. ... I read the blog, i see one side, i talk to the person, i see the other side, yet i am confused after all, what is real? is there a real.. are both real or are both unreal or .... question marks all over. I know, we tend to hide the truth in order not to hurt others.. but hiding means hide everything rite? why leave bits n pieces for imagination to run wild. Fuck.

puzzled lil jj. need to rest.cant sleep.need to work.no mood for work.

I need to run.away run.away

fuck off leech

2008-07-21T21:42:00.003+08:00

Do you find yourself having no one to talk to at times? seems like the whole world turn their back on you,seems like you are unwanted,unimportant,unnecessary.. .. .. well, i find myself like that every now and then. Maybe i am quick tempered such that no one can stand me, maybe my stubbornness kills off everyone around me.

People will always find ways and means to make situations better, make themselves feel better .. kill off jealousy and enviness with something else negative about the who or what to make themselves feel better mentally. I think i m struggling to make myself feel better.

I always think i am amongst the average kids, i never really work too hard, i never really try hard ... i am always jus the so-so average kid. But i really dont find myself that stupid, i know if i want to.. i try to.. i might be able to excel better. Just that.. i tell myself, there should be a balance shouldnt there? There should be fun in the midst of studying, relax in the midst of everyday work. Is that mentality wrong?

I jus had my lasik done.. my eyes hurt quite badly now.. not because of the surgery.. but because i cant control my emotions.. which lead to flooding. I often ask myself, why did my parents have me when they dislike me? m i unplanned for? unwanted from the start? I m sure i am not the only one out there with parents that just clash since birth, dislike forever and uncared for. Vice versa, those with rather caring parents, treat their parents like fuck. Either way, it sucks.

I truly remember and its always in my heart how much my parents had spent on me, my education, my laptop, my crappy old car maintianence, my housing... thats about all. Those are what they provide for all their kids. In fact i received the least from them. I know added up amount is not a small one.. but why treat me so unfairly? What have i done wrong to make you all hate me so much? I have not taken pocket money from u ever since 17 yrs old, what more you want from me? should i move out..away.. get out of your sight? i dun think you even care if i exist my dear parents!

How pain my heart is.. i dont think anyone knows.. nor can i describe or pretend i am immune to their way of treating me. I act strong, i act as if i ignore and pretend to look annoying and stubborn, so they leave me alone. But they do not know.. i suffer in silence.

Whats wrong with me? Enlighten me.. isnt there someone out there that shares the same thots? or at least tell me whats the RIGHT path.

Hurt, i m so hurt.. when the one close don't even understand, that hurts the deepest.

Good nite . I know no one else is hurt tonight.

XxxxX

Hoping..Wishing..Waiting..

2008-07-15T21:29:00.002+08:00

In vail! .....

WELL, my sucky manager get never stops getting on ppl nerves! our deserved PH off day is determined by her.. why?!?! because she is a bitch. Its our offday.. why cant we decide for ourselves which is the best day to take a day off? ...Offical annual leave is so minimal... yet all these other claim time is determined by her.. what workers rights are there?!?! ...Maybe i am not in managerial post and i cant see from her point of view, whats the difficulty being a smart and capable leader who ppl under you respect and follow willingly. Arrrhhhh.... it sucks to be in screwed up management.

I have a list of things needed to be settled by this year.. fixing my eye sight.. fixing my wisdomzz.. fixing my accounting grades.. fixing my depression. So much to accomplish..so lil time. Leave has to be spilt by 5 colleagues.. yet i have to spilt into holidays leave..exams leave.. medical leave... its crazy! So hard to find the best solution. like the chinese says... walk a step and look a step... one step at a time.

Cant wait for next week... off for the weekend! yea yea..

tired.
J.J

My Saturday

2008-07-13T01:41:00.003+08:00

I m tired. I think i m gonna have bad throat later when i wake up. sigh

Swollen face, swollen eyes, bloated tummy... y my infection virus jus cant leave me alone... "RECURRENT THROAT INFECTION" ... according to my doc... antibiotics didnt help me fight them? my temptation for snacks n fried food not helping me either ...gosh! My week filled up with craving for Calbee..Doritos..fried chicken..fried fish..fried sotong head.. i think i fried my throat now... feelin the burn now... a bit late to drown myself with the logenzes and pi pa gao...

I feel old. I cant handle late nites no more.. any event aft 12.. u see me constantly yawning.. slowly dozing off.. brains just cant function no more. This makes me feel kinda useless.. but late nites of drinks n suppers are killing me at the same time... fatness, tiredness, craziness... i m drained mentally n physically... oh no no.. so feelin like a granny.. need my routine.. 630am-11pm kind of timing.. EArly Bird i need to be.. tfine tune my body system ..... i should stop all the late nitez! hmm... tts boring....

Anyways, saturday has passed.. it has been a nice laid back evening thru to the wee hours of the nite.. But it was all good. I mean, Morning - Afternoon school was a total waste of time and a such a drag to even stay on in class listening to BUSINESS PROCESSES.. who the fuck cares about input thru to output .. But dinner was good.. Ice cream was bad.. Drinks were good.. company was excellent.. body system bad..therefore zombie me right here.. feeling the burn ... Anyhows... overall its jus all chill and nice..mellow.. love it.

I miss api.. every every day.. everytime i drive around singapore, i see dead animals ran over like a thousand times.. decomposing.. my heart aches..it just takes so much courage to even open api folder to look at her pics.. not to talk about her video.. till now, i still feel i need api.. i need to wake up seeing her, sleep beside her, hear her engine running, accompany me thru bad puking hang overs.. sometimes, i imagine she is still in my room, then i tell ola and boo... pls tell api i need her, tell her i miss her, tell her to stay hm, tell her i love her so so much. I am still hoping you return one day api... let me take care of u while u take care of me... Please

Sorries.. Sorrows.. Sores..

JJ

Dates... lost in translation

2008-07-11T22:01:00.003+08:00

Up-dates..down-dates...Upsidedown-dates... come to think abt it.. I havent have a date in a long time! HEy D, i need a date.. Do something! .... com'on date me out! .

Anyhows, june came by n gone.. hectic last 2 weeks of june.. due to crappy school! i hate school more n more.. to the extend i dont even see the urgency in studying for exam. Exam monday.. i partied all saturday... ate dim sum on sunday.. felt guilty... read thru.. n basically.. SCREWED up my network paper on monday.... BIg Sighzzzzzzzzzz......................... totally sianz

So here come july.. time flies.. 'as UsUal'.. its 11th into the month of july..n yet, i m counting down till the end of month... TRavel Travel... relak relak! yeah....Its nice going away with friends tt are all so excited and keen about the trip.. its a rather short one.. but better than no travelling..suck in singapore.

My poor lil 14yrs old doggy... has no TLC....i guess no one in the family cares abt timo.. I bring him to the groomers sometimes.. but i feel so embrassed cos he is forever yellow instead of white.. ppl sure think i ill treat my doggy... So anyways, I brought him to the vet... took blood test... kidney ok..heart ok... liver not ok... teeth n gums very badly infected...ended up next day drip n had a dental surgery done up for him... its crazy how they mark up fees for pets... 2 days of vet costed me about 600 bucks, Oh my.... i got to be the driver, the care taker to bring to the vet, the money payer.. what else?! ..... who the hell cares?!?! .... Lookin at all the green algae teeth taken out.. i felt bad not bringing him any earlier.. Sorrie timo... i made you suffer. Oh wells, more antibiotics n reviews to come.. hope he heals up quick despite his age... Timo, Jia You.. yea yea

Today, i had a bad day at work. Had an hour long of nagging cos my manager does not want to apply my leave.. bottom line.. i think she hates me. I hate all the routine shit tt goes thru my everyday work.. the constant nagging from the clinic manager! I hate how you can compare non-medical staff like me to nurses t are of different standards! i hate how she pin point me at everything and anything.. if i am such a bad staff to have.. hint me to leave.. to quit... i seriously HATE the way she manage/ be in control.. fucking loser! If nurses are as smart as optoms... then change yr fucking course.. so you get a better job when you graduate.. dun fucking envy what you cant achieve..... fuckers!

Lonely. I feel like a loner again! .. i keep falling in and out of this depression mode! it sucks.. come on.. someone.. enlighten me... lead me to the bright n lited path...... oooommmmmmmmm.........

JJ ... sad,sleepy,sobz

Mid Week WedNesday

2008-06-12T00:11:00.002+08:00

Time flies.. its almost coming to the weekend. Time seems to be never enuf. We seem to forever be blaming time.. not enough time=stress, too much time=bored, just enough time=still want more of it.. cos humans can be NEVER satisfied.. can we??

Just had tutorial at school. I ended at 10. So did the cleaner uncle at school. He was drinking hot lipton tea and chatting with the other cleaner lady. He looked tired from so many years of hard work.. he conversed in hokkien, telling the cleaner lady about unfairness.. probably politics at work. Politics is everywhere... work, friends,family... its scary. Individual thinks differently, the way we communicate causes many misinterpretation and end up misunderstandings occur. Maybe its our mood, our tone, our body language... everything plays a part.. yet all these politics are like killer virus.. unable to cure completely. Sigh.... Anyways, stop drifting away, i felt guilty, upset..etc.. mixed up after seeing the uncle and auntie in school. I think i never contribute to the society enough, i havent done much for people. Though i work in the hospital, i think i maybe do not provide enough or good enough help to service the patients. I am really upset with myself. So moody.

Today is a day full of thoughts.. full of negative thoughts... for i cannot think of anything good about me.

I think i am an average student, or maybe a little above average, or trying to outplay school and work too much that i am neither here nor there. M i plain stupid or plain lazy or both or cant be bothered or wasting money or what??? Is there a place for me to excel? to fulfill a lil more?I have no motivation to work harder.. try harder.. i make myself feel better by telling myself that i am balancing work and school and life. Its just hard to keep all 3 balanced!

There is this star award, gold award and silver award happening in the clinic. I thought about it, about how staff got their awards.. its purely favourtism from the clinic manger plus fakely orcing patients to write in good feedback and acting busy while not doing anything productive. Fuck tt. Seriously, these awards are so fake... scary how people out there try so hard to please their superiors and pretend and act some more and fake even more.... screw those Fake Fuckers!

Good Nite all..

2008-06-08T20:41:00.019+08:00

Weekend has come by and gone.. its the nite fall once again and back to routine boring work week starting tomorrow morning. Big Big Sighs...
Anyhow, I opened up the parcel.. not waiting for 13th to arrive, n there you go.. a whole bundle of surprises! haha.. fish eye 2 and the coloured films and the coloured flash changer! Yeah.. so so happy.. thanks dd.. wink wink* ....

Hee... close up look..

Obviously, the rascals heck care what is inside the parcel.. all they want is to make the new box their latest toy.. in and out of the box and fighting each other... haha...

Grooming day! Time to torture/pamper the 2 of them.. brought them to holland for basic grooming.. nails ears belly .. total wash up plus spray of perfum!! hmmm.... nice n clean... for A DaY at least.

While i waited for them.. i spent my time getting some household thingys.. a new shower head .. new light bulbs... Shopping at vivo city.. its bad to shop.. make you spend and spend and feel guilty not spending.. feel guilty after spending. It totally Sucks... haha

Tangs at Vivo (Fitting room)

After Picking the rascals.. headed hm to do some changes... change of lights.. change of shower head.. trying my best to clean up my room... but as always failed to clear the messy mess!

Nite falls... loner lil jj didnt know what to do.. so.. after some thought.. i went out. Settled my dinner at TCC gallery at boat quay. I always pass by there but never been up there. Its actually quite a nice place to hang out with many friends all together.. unlike the usual TCC outlets.

That above was my dinner.. Banana Salmon medium done with mash below...

Want some?? cos i couldnt finish the whole piece....

After TCC, isabel ivan and me went down to dempsey.. for drinks.. Ended up not so much of drinking.. but food tasting!!

They serve yummy sausages

This below is Sinful.. couldnt resist not ordering upon seeing the picture. Once you start, you cant stop.. and the waiter even packed it into the container for those that we couldnt finish. haha.. nice nice!!

Above: Ivan, JJ, Isabella

Spencer and Ivan in the pic above

View from our table... not too bad yea? ...

Next stop: Party World Orchard....

It was isabel first time in singapore KTV... she liked it... Wanna be a singer she said!

Yawn yawn yawn.... either i am getting old or something, i cant seem to stay up late anymore.. At 4am.. i was like really exhausted! damn... system cant function like the youngsters no more.

Okie.. tts my update for saturday the 7th-8th of june 08....

TATAzzz

TGIF

2008-06-07T01:49:00.007+08:00

Today i woke up with stiff neck.. but wats new?!?! i am not sure if its my lousy bed or my non useful support pillow tt is giving me problems..But i have a major stiff neck problem tt requires regular hard massages! tts how server it is... sigh

So the day began quite slow.. the usual eye checkings that stacks up.. until 1245pm .. it finally slowed down. Lazy afternoon with nothing much.. basically checking airfares and nice resorts in asia. I jus wanna travel with u dd... lets go away.... oh wells, me day dreaming away... .... xxxx

I m kinda slow.. but i finally went to watch Indiana Jones.. i love tt from young.. n watching it was really good. I heard many reviews tt were quite negative.. but isabel and me both agreed that it was overall a really GooD Movie to catch. HAahaa.. next up is KongFu Panda on Sunday with the kiddos.... hope it will be a good movie too xxxx

Going orchard is a horrible decision thou.. i spent quite a fair bit of time deciding on cinema this noon, whether to go cathay or Gv or Shaw... i chose orchard cathay in the end.. so ... shop shop shop as usual.. what else to do in orchard but eat n shop.. therefore... i spent money again... quite a bit... feeling the pinch now.. but couldnt resist the last piece n display.. xxxx

Brought isabel to ding tai fung.. cos she havent eaten there b4... i took pics of apetitizer n the Xiao Long Bao... but chit chat till i forgot to take our Dan CHow Fan! haha.... After which we went to Sony to try fix back my lil missin Q on the keypad.. no spare parts available and if i do change the whole damn thing.. it will cost me money.. hmm.. just hope spare Q is available.. i will only know on tuesday.. fingers crossed xxxx

Oh.. the highlight for today is my Parcel received.. hee... i didnt want to open it yet cos its meant to be a gift for 13th this month... YEt, the parcel details on the box gave it away.. Something i wanted for some time..Me so happy.. thanks DD.. u shouldnt have wasted yr money.. But i Love the prezziez... muahahahahaha.....

Good Nite DD.. cant sleep without hearing your voice..i cant imagine another 2 over months not seeing u.. i m tryin to think of a way but all the constraints.. argh! ... xxxx

OHwells, its the freaking weekend.. enjoys ppl.....

wtf

2008-06-06T00:19:00.002+08:00

Today not much of updates.. had a moody day basically. No mood for anything..
Morning was rather busy, as usual.. who but me myself to get all the shit done. I really startin to get more and more annoyed with the rules n routines of my clinic. Afternoon was jus mood swings plus swining and swing swing. But at the very least, i got my late hand in tutorial done. One load off my busy buzziness..

Today i as warned no sandals to work. All the allied health doesnt wear all round covered shoes. Y just pin point me? Mine are pretty sandals?! and the fact is i do not just wear sandals everyday.. i do change..sometimes covered.. sometimes half covered..occasional heels.. a variety u know?! so wtf? i am not under customer service nor am i a counter staff.. i m OPTOMETRIST. The clinic manager has nothing better to do but looking at my feet? f. tt. Now they are asking for medical prove to certify that i am not able to put on covered shoes everyday.. so fine, i will get that done tomorrow to fucking shut their mouth brain ass. xxxxx

Nite came.. and guess wat?! rules n regulations in my own home. I seriously wish i can fuck all these bullshit and have a place of my own. Total Unfairness. Even parking of 3 bloody cars need to be in order..in the compound of my own home.. how crap is tt? who the f. look at the 3 pathetic cars? U mean someone is ineterested to see how my CeFIRO is parked in my carpark? dude, i am sure you have better things to manage than own cars in own home rite?! my.... so so pissed! xxxxx

Fuck the big area which has so lil privacy and space, fuck the old slow car that drinks petrol like water consumption, fuck their childish and selfish mentality.

I have attitude problem. I have some serious mental illness. What else that i have that i am not aware of?

Help me get out of here. All i wan is a space that i can freely move about, let my rascals live in peace, let my heart stop aching, my brain stop hurting, my eyes stop being sore. Pls help me.

Good nite to all. peace love hugs xxxxx

screamin in sadness

2008-06-05T00:26:00.003+08:00

Too tired too angry too everythin. Bad nite it has been.. jj very upset.
Volcano erupted!
anyhows.. when is life EveR FaiR?! i m sure i will have fairness in other sense.. rite?
Pls dun leave me alone.
Y ppl out there have parents that tries to create fairness yet mine leaves me hangin to rot?
Y have me if u didnt want me? thats a question tt is forever lingering in my head.
Too weak to think about anythin now.. but my heart is crying..screaming..
Is there anyone Out There who can hear/feel/care for jj??
oh wells.. its the start of a brand new day.. cant wait to get this feeling over n hopefully done with.
Till tomorrow, good nites.

Dunno Dun Care

2008-05-29T00:40:00.002+08:00

I guess if u ask me what have i been doing lately? i myself don't really know why time flew by so quickly with nothing much being accomplished.
Often we see on newspaper, magazines.. 50 gorgeous ppl, 50 men we love, etc etc.. all the success stories to boost up some confidence, to buck up and improve our lifes...but?! whats about the sad stories about the unfortunate or the below average people that are trying to make ends meet? Shouldnt we be contented and thankful for what we have?.. it just emphasises the fact that singaporeans choose to be ignorant about issues outside singapore. It seems that JB ban of petrol sales to singapore cars created a bigger discussion than cyclone or earthquarkes that are happening out of singapore.

Anyways, at this midnight hour, i am rather sleepy tired yet sad and unwell. I have been unwell for almost a month. Doctor cannot diagnose why i have been so down on my immune system.. i cant explain why i m so sick either.. ?!?! i wanna tell them so badly.. i m not here for a bloody piece of mc.. i jus wanna get well and get going.. It has affected me quite a bit.. no energy to be up and about.. no time to do anythin but to feel sick be sick and not well from being sick. It really sucks... i feel so sickly that mentally its affecting me. Anyhows, i think i am starting to get better... hope its a good sign.

Api api api.. i miss my api. Saw her friend across the street that night.. i shouted : Api, are you there? are you playing with your friend? I somehow have not wake up on the idea that she left me. I am still hoping she come home someday.. to greet me .. to be with me. Its been months, i dare not look the video of api, i finally looked at it again.. i broke down again. Even watching my hk serials made me miss her. The way they protrayed those not in time to save someone.. regretted being late.. i broke down. Useless jj .. i try, i pretend to be strong.. but my heart is weak..maybe the brain is linked up with the eyes, but i guess tears link up with the heart.. when your heart aches.. your tears just overflow and flood yr brain up with images of sadness hurt pain past happiness.

School..what about school?! School is rather meaningless for i do not need the cert that might be in my hands next year. I feel sorry that i wasted my parents money to study this course. I do not enjoy business, i do not like the modules i study, i can scrape thru.. but i cant excel.. i am not sure if i am jus always an average student, or am i just lazy .. or am i just not cut out for studying.Future still still but a blur.. present is filled with my day to day screw ups. I think i am getting a little cranky. People get a degree to help in their career..i try to get a degree for this is the only course my dad reluctantly fork out money to let me study. Why does the rich kids get to study but they don't study.. yet those that want to study either do not meet the grades or just no luck with money. I feel some part of me never give up trying to get back into sciences. It was my wish to want to get into medicine school, my parents did not give me an opportunity.i lost my track. neither did my parents educate me on options or pathways to take..from all my mistakes.. i learn the hard way. So now, being so old with no accomplishments,everything is a blur. What can you do with a 30k paper that is worthless? i feel i am such a joke!

So many issues, so many problems.. i try to be ignorant and lead a simple life .. but every once in a while.. i go crazy. I feel miserable.. like now! I cant sleep.. i have a bad body and neck ache.. plus heart ache too! i know api will make me feel better if she is here..

Good nite api, good nite dd, good nite ola and boo.. good nite world.may everyone find their inner peace

stucked

2008-02-09T18:54:00.000+08:00

I spend a good 2nd day of lunar new yr last nite, i visited stef family. I felt happy. I felt tt people actually knew and acred for me. I was smiling form the inside. Though years passed, people drift apart, but i am glad they still care. It made cyn a hell lot more comforting.

Godma was really welcoming too.. i felt that she was understanding and she cared from the heart.

I am thankful for those who still even know who i am and not to talk about caring whether i am alive?!

Today is day 3, its kinda draggy .. lazy.. but tts ok.. when evening came, i broke down. I felt i am not even a friend. M i transparent or am i a pest ?? Last word was: Fine! ... great.. how comfortin.

Maybe i am not understanding, having a fuck up family of my own, maybe i get jealous that people are a happy family or something. I dunno. Friends getting invited.. but this tiny me.. is being left out.. ON PURPOSE! how nice.... who understands me then?? who understands tt i m lonely and pathetic, with no real friends tt i can even pour my heart out to?

I really wanna hug my lil api tight and i wish she can tell me everythin is gonna be alright.. i m really hurt.

bad karma?

2008-02-08T11:36:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was the 1st day of the lunar new yr~~... everyone should be happy and forgiving n etc.... but wells, i think i had the worst one hr of my life. totally regretted going visiting.

Eyes were all on me when i reach the place. All gave me a glare, like why did i even try to go visit?? a couple were friendly and greet me happy new yr. I hope they meant it. The smile drop to expressionless when i stepped intho the house. I went over to say Hi, happy new yr .. her eyes rolled and didnt even smile.

Only ah ma was friendly. All i dare to do is sit at the corner and wait for nothin to happen, wait for everone to leave that i can escape. At that moment, i wish i dissolve and disappear. I can see everyones disapproval when i was there.

What have i done wrong? i knew i hated cyn, why didnt i try to make my life simplier and happier by leaving sg.?i feel weak, no relatives to visit, no friends to visit... no friends to even hang out with! ..

is this what you call such a loser??

guess i m one.

CYN eve

2008-02-06T20:36:00.000+08:00

Everythin has just gone bad bad bad for me. whats new? once yr luck is down.. its down.

I have been visiting this lil kitten at holland village for 2 days. She reminded me of api. Same shade fur colour.. except her face is less flat and her fur doesnt grow long like a persian cat. But nontherless, she is rather darling. She sits so comfortably in my arms that i cannot resist hugging n seeing her more.

On the other hand, my heart aches badly thinking of my lil pi. Last yr this time, api celebrated cyn with me. I wish i can spend more time with her.

That day a moth flew in n stayed in my mum room while i was having dinner, i imagine that it was api visiting me.. is tt her? or is tt my imagination? I miss u badly pi.

So anyways, while being too engrossed looking at lil kitten, i got a parking ticket fine! damn.. m i stupid or wat?? holland vi is auper tight with traffic police n all.. yet, i didnt know a 15 mins parking at the road side will cause a fine.

Bad luck.. go away.. i jus wan a simple life .. is tt too much to ask??

I am feelin down down...

2008-02-01T21:40:00.000+08:00

Today, a colleague of mine, her husband passed away. Cause? well.. he collasped while chit chattin with her. Further investigation? Chronic respiratory problem.. but b4 tt.. it was bleeding from both the front n back.. so could it be kidney failure? .. he told no one abt the illness...

With tt, many many nurses and staff broke down this mornin.. drama day.. i broke down too.. for the words used .. i could relate to.. n tt got me really moody today.

All she said was:

Its my fault.. i did not know before hand... (tts y accidents happen, you do not know befor hand)

I want nothing else but my husband

why you leave me alone?

My world is over without you..

All these were words i said when api left me.. or i left her out in the cold.. leading to serious irrevesable tragedy.

I broke down.once again.

Another reason y i am sad was becasue i failed one module in school. I hate accountings... i knew i cannot do that paper.. but i wished i scrapped thru. well, i did not... damn it.. retaking a whole 3 months module... tt sucks big time!! what the fuck!

Anyways.... 2007 sucks!! time pls fly... is it my bad karma biting back at me?? argh.......sigh........

i should. would. i could

2008-01-26T19:58:00.000+08:00

This week has gone by real slow.. suddenly..i wish time fly pass faster.. hurry hurry... time.. fly fly fly pls!

Its hard to go everywhere n anywhere without the thot f u my love.... api.. i want nothin.. i wan u to be a happy fat fat cat.. i miss kissing hugging sleeping with u.

Well, here is a poem sent to me by my friend.. its really sweet..

this is for u api.....

She's my alarm clock in the morning,
she's my friend and companion at night.
And in all the in-between timesshe's never out of my sight.
It's such a lovely feelingto know she depends on me
for her food and warmth and shelter
so she gives me her love to see.
She plays with her toys; plays hide and seek,
she's become the boss of the house!
Yet she has more fun with a walnut shell than she does with a catnip mouse!
The pleasure she gives me is a treasure.
She greets me when I come in the door.
She seems to say "I've been lonesome,so please don't go out anymore!
"She's my delight, my friend and my prankster.
She pounces and jumps up real highfor a ball of yarn
or a wiggly stringwith a purr or a soft little cry.
She washes her face after eating,
keeps her striped fur clean and sleek.
Then she jumps on my lap for approval
and then curls up to sleep.
So I wouldn't give up my kitty
for the world and all of its' gold.
'Cause if my kitty weren't with me
this world would be awfully cold!

Somehow, all that are close are leaving me.. i know there is always a time we need to say goodbye.. but i still living in denial.

Yang yang, my dear friend in clinic is leaving for hm.. to uk..tts far... i really wish i have my lunch buddy close to me.

Dion is leaving me in 3 weeks...

Api left way too soon...

Who else is leaving me? ....

API: I wanna grow old with u

2008-01-20T18:49:00.000+08:00

Ain't she lovely? She's my lil api

Today, my world crumbled down on me. My heart broke. I woke up in shock having the worst day that can ever happen to me till this day in my life. The lost of api.

Api is 1yr n 11mths old. Its her 2nd birthday in weeks to come, 15th february. But she departed before celebratig it.

I cannot accept the fact that she has gone. I know its my fault that she is dead. I never bring her home to safety. Why must the asshole driver speed? Why must you kill such an intelligence lil cat. Why did i fall asleep without checking that my baby is safe at home on her bed?

Now i have to live in pain and loneliness without her around me.

She has been so faithful to me, accompany me to bed, waking me up in the mornings, waiting for me to come home in the evenings, watch tv together and share food and drinks together.

I really want and wish to grow old with api, giving her love and comfort. I want to bring her everywhere and anywhere i go? Y she left me?!Y i abandon her out in the cold last nite?

I cant forgive my mistake, i cant accept the fact that i cant feel her presence anymore, i cant close my eyes knowing she is not sleeping beside me.

I love u so so much api, i miss u. I want u to come home, i want nothin but u api. Come home to mummy cos i cant afford to lose u. Can u hear me??

Api, u r the sweetest thing ever that happen to me. U love me and care for me and u always around me. I m sorry that i am useless and thoughtless. I brought harm upon u.

No one can ever replace api.. my world crashed.

Beijing Day 1

2007-07-18T00:08:00.001+08:00

So.. aft onli spending one 'tourist' day round shanghai.. in which i seriously did not cover much..

---i left for beijing..

1 hr 40 mins domestic flight from Shanghai up to Bei Jing

My flight got delayed.. So.. 1 hr of pure boredom... non stop flipping of magazine.. chat on the hp..time is hard to kill when u r all alone...

I seriously think all these china people has some attitude/character problems... wats the rush to get down when the plane havent found a spot to park?????madness.....

Finally.. i reached beijing.. n met up with yangyang.. (made in beijing)

.. i m so glad she went to uk for good n came to sg to work .. not staying in a place like beijing.. behaving like one of them!!! haha

Well, seriously she comes back to beijing once a yr, she knows nuts about tourist attractions nor anywhere that we can go visit..

~!@!@$%%&*(_- its real funnie trying to act PRO with a bloody complicated map of beijing..

==++==This is GREAT WALL OF BEIJING==++==

it seperates this lil area from beijing station area.. a really long walk to get to the other end to cross over the wall zone...

So, we took bus from our beijing station area down to Tian Tan.. An ancestrial hall surrounded by a huge area where old folks hang around day to day.. may it be to dance, play chess, do some knitting or sleep..ZZZzzzzZZzzzz

On the way in..

This way to the main burial hall..
View from the bottom -->> Tian Tan
Stairways to Heaven?!
Artifacts found thru the yrs r kept here!
==Worship area..sacred ==
Made in the ming dynasty.. for Burning rituals

In the middle of the Stairs

There will always have a pair of pheonix

And a Pair of Dragon
**Infested with tourists.. nothing but people n more people all around.. whr do they come from?!?!

Looks like its made of jade.. but this is made of glazed glass!!
Burn burn burn away....
@ the back of Tian Tan
Huge Gates everywhere...
Tunnel linking the east-west gates

```~~~``` After long long walksz... both yang n me were tired n hungry... but CAndy(yang2 friend) havent end work.. we had to wait.. so.. we went for starbucks break ;
Tt 1hr wait was kind of a drag for we were seriously HUNGRY le.... haha

Finally... we went for dinner at this place call Duck King. yea

Well, basically pls book in advance for all these peiking duck places.. cos they r really popular!!

Duck Heartszz... soaked in mao tai wine
Duck webz.......
Cant they cut off the nails at the very least?!?!

After dinner, we head down to the tourist famous Silk Market, its like thailand bangkok.. repeatitive stuff like clothings accessories ..but more expensive..

It was really cool tt nite.. 21 degrees... had a slow walk and took a cab back to our lil hotel.. long day ahead of us tml.. so tts it for day 1 beijing ... 99

Shanghai Day 3

2007-06-30T00:26:00.000+08:00

It was a monday n Xiong Xiong brought me out to see shanghai....

1st Stop.. Chen Huang Miao..
They r preparing for the 'Dumpling Festival'.. tuan wu jie

Famous Gold Smith shopz... all around...

Its a total lil big town on its own.. its huge
Tourist alley.. this stretch is filled with stuff to slaughter the tourists.. worth a look thou..

Need some dessert?
Next Stop..Huang Pu Jiang..Pudong n PuXi lookout
Next.. Pear Oriental Tv tower..

Seriously.. nothin fantastic abt this tower.. except the view from the 2 round bally.. lol

Getting some rest in the food court inside ren min guang chang

A tram ride to allow lazy bumz to move from one end to the other of Nan Jing Lu

I reach the other end!!

Big optical Outlet

No cars.. pedestrains onli.. erm.. n trams..n bicycles... n motorbikes.........damn, its super unsafe

Jin An Shi Area..
China post
Shanghai MRT station (Non-Peak hour)
Danger... beware
It been a long day.. time to rest.. then set off to beijing in the mornin

Shanghai Day 2

2007-06-29T22:52:00.000+08:00

--=--Day 2--=--

Sunday was horrible for me.. i basically slept from 4am to 9am .. vommitted from 9am to 2pm.. watever went in came out.. plane food.. medicine..water..porridge..

##Serious Food Poisioning##..

we suspect it was the ice or water tt i couldnt get use to.. i guess it might be the plane food.. but seriously, i was suffering.

Images were just blur.. all i could locate was the sink n where tissue papers were... damn!

It was meant to be sight seeing tourist day, yet.. all i did was vommit n slept all day thru till 5pm.. then i told my sister.. I M HUNGRY!! bring me for dinner ....

-Xiao hei cousin Jap Restaurant--> All u can eat alacarte buffet.. yeah!!
-Sashimi

-Sea Urchin sashimi

-Taiwan Smelly toufu!

-Shell fishie

-Fish Head

-Grilled Prawns

N seriously alot of other yummy food.. i ate n ate while they drank n drank.. i overdose myself with food n my sis n big bro xiong xiong were tipsy// haha...

Toast to Good Food

Satisfied nite thou day didnt went smooth.....

Shanghai Nite 1

2007-06-29T22:40:00.000+08:00

So, i went to china for 8days.. n this was wat happened the very nite i touched down...

--=-- Nite 1 --=--
Joy came to pick me up from Shanghai pudong Airport n aft leaving the luggage at home.. we headed down to The Bund 18
Too bad it was past 11pm, lights were off n i couldnt see much of the lighted Bund scene

There was this party at 18 .. solid vodka launch ..

Jerome, jj, hk friend

Jerome trying to act sexy with joy at his side

Xiao wen jie n Me

Mr funnie on the left

Tiger..Visiting from Japan

N aft which, all i rem was puking n more puking n a rather sleepy tiring and bad sunday ahead...

sighz.......

Cafe Del Mar

2007-06-02T14:36:00.000+08:00

Scream!..Wo Bao 1st Anniversary.. Our 1st time at del mar

Randomly yangyang n me went.. cos she like this band known as sodagreen..

i never even heard of?!?!?

.. but surprisingly.. the whole lil concert was quite nice...

Tryin to be miss milk maid

We see each other everyday but i rarely took any pictures together.

Sponsor:Carlsberg

Time to say bye bye... need to rest cos we still have saturday clinic.. damn.. tataz

Vesak

2007-06-01T21:12:00.000+08:00

==Vesak day==

&*^%$# I freaking onli slept 4 hrs n i had to go to the temple.. to see the lil buddha

#Nun Temple in Geylang
So, firstly scoop up some jasmine water n rinse over the lil buddha head 3 times

Then, pray for blessings
Aft which.. have some vegetarian food to receive more blessing..
then..
head out to yu tiao da wang to have fritters n soya bean n egg floss bun... yummy yum yum....
Rest of the day.. i was half dead.. seriously tired

Hop hop hop

2007-05-31T17:03:00.000+08:00

This is the all new Buddha Tooth Relic temple right smack in Chinatown , nice n grand n rather pack for the big opening...

It was the eve of vesak.. n so.. we hop around to find some places for drinks...

# happy souls @ Mox
jus smile..
and smile again for the cam

At first ernest waved n was excited abt climbing the spiral stairs..

aft tt.. shagan n ernie was freaking out with the shaky unstable stairs!

***Finally .. from 8-9pm... draggin to 2am.. ken finally came out!! ...***

Aft a wrong hop to over crowded Zouk wine Bar, we ended up in Cuba @ Clarke Quay

But, waiters sux..music kinda wrong too.. not a gd place to chill at all..

-Ah ken n Ernie
- New specs from korea.. Nice! i like...
- 4 e First time^_^onli ken ate n we watched him
=====Time to go Home n Sleep.. so Gd nite n Gd morning.....99 ======

Limited abilities

2007-04-08T22:47:00.000+08:00

Open doors i thot i've seen.. shut off rite before my eyes, y so? i dun have the ability to perform?is it only tt much tt i can contribute that i can offer that i m onli tt useful?so many so many rejections yet i try .. today, i think i cant fight it anymore. I was still hopeful ..i was.. but not anymore. i know i need to wake up.

I m hooked to this song.. by travis.. feels totally like how the song lyrics describe it to be...

I cant sleep tonight

Everybody saying everythings alright

Still I cant close my eyes

Im seeing a tunnel at the end of all these lights

Sunny daysWhere have you gone?

I get the strangest feeling you belong

Why does it always rain on me?

Is it because I lied when I was seventeen?

Why does it always rain on me?

Even when the sun is shining

I cant avoid the lightning

Oh, where did the blue skies go?

And why is it raining so?

Its so cold

Why does it always rain on me?

Why does it always rain...

APi... u r my sunshine aft the rain.... u r the onli one tt brings me true true joy day in n out.. muacks..

what goes around comes around...i believe so

2007-04-02T22:18:00.000+08:00

"Put your head on my shoulder"
Hold me in your arms, baby
Squeeze me oh so tight
Show me that you love me too.
Put your lips close to mine,
dearWon't you kiss me once,
babyJust a kiss good-night
Maybe you and I will fall in love.
People say that love's a game
A game you just can't win.
If there's a way
I'll find it some day
And then this fool will rush in.
Put your head on my shoulder
Whisper in my ear babyWords
I want to hear tell meTell me that you love me too.
Put your head on my shoulder
Whisper in my ear baby
Put your head on my shoulder.

i really like this song,especially the cover sung by michael buble..really like his voice alot.
if a man who has a voice like his.. i guess his woman will be really fortunate!

Another song tt i thought was really quite good was justin timberlake.. what goes around comes around... it all boils down to yr karma.. makes me wonder.. wats my karma like? what have i done in the past? what have i credited this life? whats gonna happen in future?

Hey girl, is he everything you wanted in a man
You know I gave you the world
You had me in the palm of your hand
So why your love went away
I just can't seem to understand
Thought it was me and you babe
Me and you until the end
But I guess I was wrong
Don't want to think about it
Don't want to talk about it
I'm just so sick about it
Can't believe it's ending this way
Just so confused about it
Feeling the blues about it
I just can't do without ya
Tell me is this fair?
Is this the way it's really going down?
Is this how we say goodbye?
Should've known better when you came around
That you were gonna make me cry
It's breaking my heart to watch you run around'
Cause I know that you're living a lie
That's okay baby 'cause in time you will find...
What goes around, goes around, goes around
Comes all the way back around
What goes around, goes around, goes around
Comes all the way back around
What goes around, goes around, goes around
Comes all the way back around
What goes around, goes around, goes around
Comes all the way back around

tata... in pain..tired..unhappy.. jj

march 2007

2007-04-01T21:47:00.000+08:00

My March 2007

Love of my life... api... how wil i live w/o u? she is really the reason i wanna be home as early as i can everyday.. sleep to wake up seeing her rite b4 my eyes.. see her being lazy.. being my alarm clock..being my darling
MArch has been filled up with ReJections.. so many i shall not name. I guess maybe i m dwelling into the unhappy moments .. yet not many happy moments to get my march filled up. Work sucks.. School sucks..mood sucks..temper jus cant get any better...

Every weekend there seem to be some function goin on.. yet.. every weekend was nothin but dizziness... hurt so bad...
Maybe i jus chose to live in depression. maybe i just never try hard enuf.. mybe luck is not on my side.. maybe..maybe..maybe.. i m jus not confident of who i m

Wedding at sentosa was a disaster.. a bride who wants to get married 2 weeks before due of baby birth.. a whole family of fakeness... jj with total dissiness n seriously unable to puke. damn.

This was a wedding dinner tt i ate the most.. ever in the history of weddings jj attended.. this nite she jus tuck in n eat thru the whole course... even though dinner was nothin fantastic.. its at least not filled with disgusting faces!!

Went to a mini spring summer fashion show.. one of the model quite cute

My mom.. posing....

Sign off a bad march......JJ
Big Deep Sighz

shouting out

2007-01-26T21:39:00.001+08:00

Does it hurt more when..
the one you love don't love you,
the one who loves you, you don't love,
the one you love loves you but have to be apart,
the one you love loves you but due to family issues,you can't get together?

Damn..slowly..it just starts to hurt....lesser n lesser or more n more.... either way, it really sucks.

People say i pretend to be strong or i look strong or i am really strong.. i have no idea myself.

Im really not tt strong after all, in fact, i get weaker as days go by, as my mind run wild.
As my loneliness kicks in, i am starting to get stressed out with my day to day life and the thoughts that are running thru my head just kills me..slowly...

Being in my comfort zone may have spoiled me..totally..But i embrace it..for i get everythin my way..enjoying my lil zone to the max.

Now tt i m out of the zone..... i get worked up..i get upset..i get cranky..on the inside.

sigh.. even my internal body system is killing me.. allergies casuing my eye to swell for the whole week.. i totally look like crap...n my vision is blurry half the time. My rashes on the neck n hands just doen;t go away and my bloatedness creating total tummy pains n burps.

pls pls pls.. i jus want my system back to normal.. so tough ?

screwed.

2006-11-04T16:27:00.000+08:00

When did i last leave a note here?? b4 sch .. i jus noticed. Damn, 1 over month.

Today i had my first ever mid term exams aft like 3 yrs of No sch life... i mean.. current state of brains r rusty..hands r weak and i can't write shit.
Now, the greatest part of all.. i forgot wat i studied..circling all the wrong answers in the morning. So unhappy with my below average memory n my stupid mind.. how on earth it went blank n written so many wrong answers?!?!
Big big sighz.... its over.. i know.. i screwed up e 20%....

I mean.. i m not sure if i m stressing myself... or m i not cut out to study all these shit!?i m trying to concentrate trying to study.. yet.. not effective.!!
Conclusion is.. quantity is useless... spent maximum time is a waste of effort. Better off with last minute work, lesser time, more productive, justifies the quality better n at least getting a consulation if Pass is seen on the paper!

Work sucks big time as well. Leaving retail due to f. up politics... yet, current workplace is jus no way better, having more politics to handle. having wrong working partner is hell... reporting to superior is useless if no actions take place. So, what m i to do?? bearing all e grudges n unable to release them..

Rashes?!?! at this time of the year?!?! i mean... of all weeks.. choose my exams week to have such bad rash.. i dun even know wat i m allergied to?! applyin creamz..taking anti histamins... made me sleepy+uncomtable itch.... no positive outcome. Bad.. its all jus bad + bad + bad...= unhappy jj

Work isnt really enuff to sustain my fees n day to day needs or m i jus too greedy not saving any ? everythin is jus all making me feel screwed.

More work load?! reports due next, presentation.. another mid term paper. very unbearable itch... i need serious help.. mentally especially.. i need therapy!!!!!

a Green WednesDay e 13th

2006-09-13T22:41:00.000+08:00

--A real craving for japanese tonite.--
Don't really want udon nor bentos nor unagi etc
All i craved was conveyor belt type of sushi to fill up my lil day 2 day happiness.

Went 2 wheelock place n just settle down into Sakae Sushi

Then i realized.. everythin was super GREEN..man..cups+plates+displays+surroundings

+ ME.. i was in green top..green skirt..green bag..green eye shawdow..

Super Greeny Nitey

ANd then.. i needed to be fed with more food.

Something was missing.... SOUP....

MAy it be prawn mee soup or xiao wan mian.. i wan 2 drink soupy soup!

so..headed down to my favourite bugis area to try n find my prawn mee.

But..all that was left open was fishball noodle stall. So, i happily ordered Xiao Wan Mian.

Oh well.. picky me think noodles is horrible and soup was totally bland.

Not just me.. even dion thought it was better left untouched!!

Happy lil Boy finally out of the jungle for a nite out

Totally lost himself in bugis village with his cup of happy PEARLS; Bao Bao Cha

Happy lil nite.. yeah

@ GiraFFe eXpeRieNce

2006-09-06T23:56:00.000+08:00

Headed down town to e 'south african' restaurant for a test out.

.....Giraffe.....

Situated opposite PS on istana park..former 'B Boss Cafe'

Gotten a side table on level 2, the all glass furnish makes the place looks more spacious and it reflects the lighting well during night time.

All flushed with only one sip of wine?

Here Comes food....

First Up, Starter: Risotto Mozz

Fried ball with bread crumbs filled with cheese n risotto.

Next up, Main Course:

Here shown below is Goulash

Meat meat meat...plus cream... erm?!?!

Mine even better--> JamBalaya: bee hoon+rice+seafood+meat+oil?!?!

Oh my... the main course was seriously.. unpalatable

Last but not least ... most importantly..

Dessert: Malva Pudding

just look at it? the most awful mixture of creamy whitish yellowish milk colours!!

i don't understand why everyone around me loves milk? it Sucks! opps... hee

Overall rating: 2/5

This so called south african cuisine was more of international mixture. Comprise of italian,spanish,thai,japanese..everything.

I mean, all that was africian was the pudding. In which it just taste like our chinese sponge cake with peanut base?!?!

Starter give good fee but once the main course were up n tasted.. i knew.. bye bye n no more next visit.

Quite a letdown..

GiGi 21st B day

2006-09-03T02:45:00.000+08:00

A nice sweet cosy lil gathering was held at sentosa beach front @ siloso beach area-- For the dearest Greg B day event.

I muz say Gigi is forever ever thoughtful and very detailed in things he do/plan...etc.

Look!! Door gift. According to him: he was worried that friends who come in shoes might be inconvenient, so he prepared slippers of diff size n print. Swweeeetttt...... Beautiful smiles from the beautiful people around...
Andrew n Tim deciding on main course
Desserts.. Lovely pretty yummy!
The formal dining setup; the ambience was great
Chef in action @ buffet site
Well, as the nite went on..

free flow topping up n up of white wine

there was the emotional moments of speeches and more speeches

the drama mama section of madonna 'hung up' Ktv session

the topsy turvy gang of drunk big girls?!

The lovely 21 cup-cakes cakey that sum up the sweet nite

and here below is what we left for the waiter n waitress to clean up..

LOL

Tataz;gd nite

Wet thursday

2006-08-31T21:41:00.000+08:00

Give me a break!

Its' just ongoing.. y r u so sad dear sky?? y keep crying.

Wet thur morning.. even my glasses caught all the lil spots.damn.

Waited for the bloody 105..for 20mins.. Boiled!!

What a Start of a New Day?!?!

Luckily.. Rain=No patients ..
i mean, who will want to get out of the house if one could just snuggle up in bed, watch tv, nap ...
Y torture oneself to be splashed by rain (acidic!!) carrying an umbrella up n down and still getting half the body wet.
I won't... i will stay home.. be cosy. lol

No Patients= Earlier off work Time..yipee
Craved for Crab Bee Hoon on a thurs evening.. so..to avoid stuck in the jam, went straight to holland drive to try out their crabby.

Ordered Rojak while waiting for mr crab to be cooked. But uncle didn't put in enough of the fritters, so many cucumbers, dion almost died (hates cucumbe so much!!)

Verdict:3/5
ok la.....

Well.. the crab is meaty and fresh.. but the stock of the soup can't beat the one in ang mo kio.
So far, still the stall in ang mo kio ave 3 serves the best crab bee hoon and other crabby stuff... may it be black pepper or chilli crabs.. all very good..

Wayward

2006-08-30T20:06:00.000+08:00

Rise and Shine, a real Nice view up on the overhead bridge. Nice thing stayin in bradell is to be able to watch the beautiful sunrise as well as sunset.

This is the same old route i pass by daily to get to work.

Bouna Vista Station-->Rochester-->AYE--> NUH

The Circle Line Never seem to be a completed project..Dragging for years.Digging up almost everywhere.

And who would have predicted, a fine breezy tuesday morning had turned into a real gloomy dark and thunder-filled by noon.

Started pouring real hard since 1pm and it never stopped till wednesday evening.

The lousy weather added to my mood swings, making me scream at anyone anything that was in my way.

Got stucked in the bad jam for an hour plus.. really drives me crazy being such an impatient person..

Just Look at dion..all stressed up being stucked in the bad traffic, unable to get me home.

All the little events of weekend adding up with the lousy weekdays.. i felt really crap..crappy..

I m stucked..get me out pls!!

Hit or Miss

2006-08-27T16:19:00.000+08:00

SCrewy screw ups week--

(1)The Cold Sore is never gonna heal Up.

Plus--

(2)Thanks to the error on my comp, i can't do shit for a whole week.

It just gets re-start and re-started by itself over and over again.
I called dion koh in Penang.. not of much help.
SOS calls to Ken n Ernest;tryin to help me out..
But as a comp idiot.. i have no idea what or where went wrong. Just totally Great to get comp screw ups!!I get totally LOST

While i am struggling restoring the comp. .. Just Look at Pizz Baby

So bUsy Jalan Jalan ..!!

So..All i Could do on a Lazy Boring Hot Sunday Afternoon was to eat and glue myself to the TV set-Hk serials.. A great way to just sit munch and try my best to fall ASLEEP!!

Oh wells, a rather nutsy sunday for me. Back to being in my own world of hogging tv watching drama mama shows...
Seriously, life without comp. would be so much simpler .. wouldn't it be??

Sat b'day Brunch

2006-08-26T23:32:00.000+08:00

Went 2 a birthday celebration this afternoon
it was @ PArk Royal Hotel (Beach Rd)

Quite a nice place to be on a weekend.. not overly crowded and away from town.
Good for gatherings-meet up..chit chat..chillz

This Month Serving intercontinential food..

the highlight were the japanese food: fresh sashimi, soft shell crabby..

plus: local seasonal fruits like logans, lychees, dragon fruits
( dips for the chocolate fountain)

Yang Yan the B'day Boy

together with his camp buddies charles and gary and of cos finan in the pic

I brought along my playmates.. Kirsten and Finan.. one is to reduce the loneliness feel and two.. they really brightens up my day.. adding more fun and enjoyment.

On the way..Fin had a deep cut on his middle finger.. causing the whole hand to be in blood. Crazy me actually thought he was trying to play a fool at the back of the car..

I muz say.. He is a real brave 5 yr old. Such a deep cut and yet though he yelled for help.. he tried to laugh and make things look less serious.

LOve ya kids...

Dunno why they miss that someone so much.. keep askin where D**_ is..where is penang..why can't drive back to sg for the party.. blah blah blah..

Oh wells.. onli the kids miss u.. i dun!!!!

tired

-jj-

fOod fooD FOod

2006-08-25T21:20:00.000+08:00

Once u Start .. U Simply CAn't stop...
Result: finishing up the whole pack of sinful biscuits

Headed down to chomp chomp..So Near yet rarely visited. Haven't been there in AGES..

Still Prefer the old School Look Of Chomp Chomp.. now its simply way 2 smoky in there...not much ventilation.Hot Hot Hot

TOgether with the neighbour pal Yendor.. WE had Yummy yum food.. all gd gd gd

Satisfied w Dinner..!!

Sting Ray..Satay..Hokkien mee..Carrot Cake..

Smoke Gets in Your EyEs....

So filled.

-jj-

Lousy Week

2006-08-24T22:44:00.000+08:00

For the past five days..My luck has been real bad.
BAd weekend of ticket fine..to n fro workplace cos i left my handphone. Arguments.Almost Lost my Earrings.Lousy Monday due to parents favourtism.
Worse of all.. look at the cold sore i kana.. totally itchy swollen and disease looking.!!!

Real Bored at KRW.. a place with not many patients..in turn hard to kill time and in turn.. patients has hell lots of time to complain about your service etc etc... Therefore..to kill time.. we have to slot the magazines in and out of the cupboard to read.
A lazy boring afternoon was filled up with photo taking sessions plus chit chattin ... n good bye to venezza... leaving us officially on mon. Gd luck flyin girl
After a long boring day.. all i want is nice dinner and see the darling api and get some sleep. Of cos the combo will be to spend time with _---...But obviously someone is busy in camp POSING

So so so .... sleepy. Gd nite

-jj-

Api DarLinG

2006-08-23T21:09:00.000+08:00

This is Atas Api.The most darling cat i met.She is the reason to be home early everyday..the one who will sleep on top of your head and massage your hair and face with her lil paws while you sleep.

She created most of the lil happiness in the day to day life.

Curious Pi on the constant lookout..for gd food..

Just look at her.. ?!?!?
I guess i m so in love with her. A day without seeing her, i feel uneasy. Jus the thought of seeing her everyday..truly ligthens up my day. One i can turn to and say... "Hello Pizzzzz....."
Muacksss....

Stef just termed me as her 'god-ma'... damn..thats cute.lol....

Oh wells.. She is jus one hell of a sweet pi-z.....Hug hug hugss

love

23 rd..

2006-02-24T06:45:00.000+08:00

This very date of every month used to be the most depressing day for me.Something will get screwed up..may it be who or what.. messing up my day.

But oh wells..all is good and over now.This date doesn't affect me anymore.

I keep telling myself i am not stressed up, that i am leading a regular day to day boring life.But yet, sad to say.. i am not doing anythin extra to make my day a little more meaningful.I am unhappy with my current self now, who isn't? i bet everyone has their own story to share.I am glad i have a job, not having a heavy burden to bear...all i have to do is to take care of myself (in a way).But i have no directions in life as yet.Its killing my softly. On the outside,i am just a happy go lucky person but i just i am switching into a self depression mode.So many self doubts..so many things i need to improvise on.

**The key word.. people say.. is to Improve not to Change,for its hard to CHANGE ...easier to IMPROVE..

Bored

2005-03-04T16:27:00.000+08:00

Ok, its been ages since i last got online, needless to say the time to even write something here.Jus recalled how sad i was during the PEAK time of pouring all my thoughts out here!

i guess the best medicine/remedy for all the heartaches and all'unsolvable problems'.. is to self heal.. slowly..painfully..with lots of patience.i guess i am pretty much healing up well.

i m such an indecisive freak..i wish i can so change my lousy character n be a better person.I seriously dunno y time drains away so fast as we grow up/older??!1 day has 24hrs..i wonder how it flies off so fast.. tt when we act think back.. we dont do much constructive stuff in a day?! damn.. miserable..

Sparstic shit..i keep saying tt last time..come to think of it, i feel so bad..i serioualy wont want anyone in my life or anyone whom i know to be like tt.So sorry!! hai..my n my mouth..

Can we ever stop regretting out actions?or do humans just love guilt??its the trill and mental challenge to tell lies n keep hiding stuff to keep life running smooth and be interesting?! its kinda confusing how to run life well..........hai.......

time flies

2005-01-10T14:36:00.000+08:00

Damn! when was the last time i ever nag inside here? erm...months!! i feel so back dated.. i havent use the comp..get online..in a long long time.It had been a real bad 2004 for me.. bad with relationships,money,work,future,life jus got so screwed up last yr. Throwing all the bad bad memories aside... i jus wish.... i can sort of be REBORN in the yr 2005... lotsa luck needed......... ahhhhhhhhh

Achie aches...

2004-10-27T14:06:00.000+08:00

**Aches// Just leave me alone..all that headaches..bodyaches...all the dizziness i m experiencing lately...killing me softly..!!! ..hmmmm.... seriously, i have no idea what are the causes of all these... accumulated all year round of slepless nights?..bad weather?...too much of sweets cocoa etc?... or what?? Just what the hell caused all my acheszzzzzzzzz..........?!?!

Anyhow, lately it just seems so hard to get to use com.. haha... its always like online for that very short 5 or 10 mins.. delete some junk mails ..n opps... i gtg. Hmm..not as if i m busy or wat..jus tt i dont even have a com to use.So, i dont get a chance to nag online..to release my crazy stress inside..

happier?

2004-10-16T15:56:00.001+08:00

its been quite some time since i have the mood to actually write anything or nag or complain in here.. its not that i m feeling sad or that i m busy or wat.. jus simply dont have the urge to write anythin. like now.. i basically dunno wat crap i m writting... haha..

well.. i feel happier on the outside these days.. occupy myself with things to do... seems like there is sun shiney days after all the drama mama......

but, inside... i guess i m somehow subconciously stressed up or something. Cant sleep, dream my way thru the sleepin time.. wake up with that totally shack look n i look so so pale every morning. Damn...

Y, y , Y ???? i aint happy inside? or wats bothering me.. i have no idea... the thought of seeing a doctor may or may not help.. pills? vitamins? or wat? help.... my pillow.... where is my pillow to help me to sleep.. i need my PILLOW...........

crap shit

B-I-R-T-H-D-A-Y

2004-09-29T14:55:00.000+08:00

its jus a day a human is out to breathe in the real ugly cunning world.. wats there to celebrate?!! erm... n also its a day people said to repay your parents with a treat to thank them for bringing you into the world, is that rite?!.... hmmm... not sure.

every year, i simply feel weird to celebrate what b-day... i always wish to hide away... be alone n not celebrate... i dunno y... its like a phobia... crazy me! this year, i tried to celebrate... but i was kind of sad after the so called b-day of mine... a total long story.

Well, on the 23rd of sep.. as usual.. i had to work.. n suddenly, someone came into the shop to deliver flowers! first look at them, i thought to myself..:who knows i like lilies n stil send them to my workplace?' .. puzzled! so that fat acmat asked me to open up the card.. he was more excited than me... erm... haha... Shockingly when i open up the card... there was a few paragraph of words... w/o reading.. i went straight to the sender... it was from my 2 very sweet friends currently in sydney..!! i was so so happy that i kept smiling... they actually went to the extent to send me flowers to my workplace when they r so far away.. i find that its very thoughtful of them... sweet la!!!!! heehee.... that really made my day...

At the end of the day.. i did not go out to celebrate.. i went home.. super tired.. worn out! Had a hard time reaching home... n had dinner at home, luckily there is someone to cook pasta for me.. if not i would have eaten maggie mee. Before the strike of 12.. i was already asleep... wat a way to count down..wahaha...

24th sep.. the b day-day... woke up... slack around... had lunch then dinner then went to zouk... but somethin sad happened. i went with 2 group of friends.. my best best friends.. n my poly mates... basically... i felt totally weird.. awkward.. i didnt know who to talk to... cos i felt out of place... so i keep going in n out of the dance area... so that i wont feel stuck. Worse of all .. my hand phone die on me when i reach zouk.. had to exchange handphone with my friend.. end up i dunno all the people that msg me.. end up asking everyone who msged..:who r u? ... sighzz

then.. something bad happened that very nite.... i actually hurt my best friend w/o realizing.. i really dun wish for that ... i would rather avoid such things... hai... a long story ... but anyways... its over..

N best part of this yr b day.. i dun even have a cake.. i never cut any cake.. blow any candles.. inside.. i m unhappy... for i love to eat cakes... i really like the idea of not celebrating.. but i need to cut cake... make a wish n blow out the candles... that didnt happen this year... *sigh sigh sigh........ cant anyone tell i m a cake lover aft all these yrs................... So, offically.. i m not 20 yet............. is tt gd or bad?!?!?!.............................

Rainy-Gloomy-Moody-

2004-09-22T16:54:00.000+08:00

A wet wet Tuesday..Pretty drama rite from the morning's woke up, just in time to bathe n tag along with joy to go out. Once out of the carpark, i realized i left my fone at home..(w/o my fone,my whole day would be pretty dull for i have nothin to do)...but she was in a rush..so i never went back for my fone n just left. She dropped me off at great world city, it was only 11:20am..so early,Therefore i went shopping. Shop n shop.. spent 130 bucks..within 15 mins,haiz! Then i felt i needed my fone, therefore i took a cab back home at 11:45am..thinking i can use the same cab to work(no time le). Who knows, i realized the sales girl keyed something wrong, therefore instead of heading to work place, i went back great world..then, i realized i need to help joy drop her cheque.. all in all took me some time to settle all these, so i had to take a cab to work cos i m late plus its drizzling out there**lazy me!

Start work, pretty lazy n gloomy.. n next thing i looked across country road.. its pouring so heavily out there.. the skies were all dark grey.. so depressing la! Plus this week has been a real quiet week., no customers to help pass time.. therefore, i felt more moody.. i had nothing to do... i have to think so hard wat i can do to pass time. This is very bad..Nothin to do.. cant slack,relax nor sleep.. only to sit there n rot.. how stupid can tt be!All i could do was eat n eat.. shop around..sms crappy stuffs to pull thru the rest of the day.. oh m i glad the day had passed. Really not looking forward to tomorrow.. Big Sigh!

RAiny cold weather:It would be perfect to be able to be in bed ..snuggling with that someone n then sleep thru the day.. wow!~! nice.......... i miss him

i2u

Happy..sha la la.. everybody should be happy

2004-09-21T17:27:00.000+08:00

#General: It has been an lazy monday.. with nothin much to do at work Xcept munching away n slacking. I dislike this lifestyle.. crappy.. all i do is complain about being bored bored bored.. my brains arent functioning well.. they are turning rusty!!

**Bad news of the day: Unhappy day, i did somethin i so so so shouldnt have done.. i quarreled with someone i shouldn't have.. causing bad moodzz the whole day..everything back to square 1.... totally screwed!

+Idea: People look at relationships as the longer u r together=the happier u r. is that right? erm.. i disagree.. I think the months or years being together doesnt account for anything.. quantity doesnt mean there is quality in it..What is important is that you are happy being with the person, spending quality leisure time together.. So, be happy.. try to make the best out of time spend together.. dont over do somethings over planned..causing nothing but quarrels during meetings.. tt will jus be another sad case if such events happen.....

'Staying Happy' should be the priority in life.. hope everyones' life can be a little happier by taking it easy .. relax sua.................breathe in..breathe out

Lonely..Lonely..Lonely..

2004-09-20T16:16:00.000+08:00

Are u lonesome tonite? Yes!! very...exteremely...

Haiz.. its tough w/o that special someone being there to help you pull thru the emptiness felt inside.
The emptiness is making me feel very depress.. causing me to have sleepless nitez full of nite-maresssss....

Where is he when i need him?does he even know i m shouting out for him constantly from the inside?it is real hard to control the inner emotions.
Everyone can hide their inner selfs and pretend to be happy n crazy on the outside.. but who are those so-called friends that truly know that you are actually depress more than anythin else?! out of ten, i doubt at most 1 truly understands you.. in fact, maybe the answer is a big '0' ..!!!!!a total sad case...

Soul mates.. people often claim they have one.. is there really someone tt truly knows you so well to be your soulmate? wow.. i truly envy those people who have found theirs.. i would want one too.. but my soul mate would be none other than myself.. how nice!!..pathetic! my vocab is way too limited..damn!!

i m lonely..lonely..lonely..lonely. as usual.. does anyone care?!.. heck..............

EXHAUSTED

2004-09-17T16:33:00.000+08:00

HmmMmmmmMmMm, how many days have i been working continuously??.... 15 days already!!!!!

i m really tired..worn out. The daily routine is making me sick... wake up, work, wait for end of work, go home, be tired n try to sleep.. next thing is wake up time n everything starts all over again..in a crappy cycle. haizzzzzzzz......... life is so monotonous.

brain isn't even functioning properly...

Nuts about N.U.T.S...

2004-09-15T14:42:00.001+08:00

## Suddenly cheesecakes are not tepmting anymore... instead ...all i think about now are nutty nut stuffs... like pecan pie, walnut loafs, almond tarts..etc.. all the nuts!!

...........N not forgetting my very lastest craving .. CARROT CAKE!!! Not the pan fried type but the dessert type. tts heavenly... but not every where serves nice carrot cake.. not tt i tried many many places carrot cake, but the best so far is the one at Dan Ryans!! The carrot cake there is made of pure carrots.. with walnuts and raisins.... n of cos lots of brown sugar n cream. Just ignore the fattening facts... just indulge in that huge piece of cake..yummy yum yum........ simply irresistable. heehee....

@s for the Nutty Food -->i feel that pecan pie at the N.Y.D.C is really nice.. served warm.. not too sweet n sticky.. nice!!
-->The walnut loaf n the almond loaf found only at raffles city CEDELE is also very very good.. plain bread that has strong cinnamon taste topped with sticky sweet walnut / almond nuts... every bite is simply full of nuts... nice nice!! a must try**

*Next on the list ...Waffles.... since A n W... there isnt somewhere tt serves really nice warm waffle anymore.. until there is Gelare, cafe cartel and the Big O.. these few places serve tasty waffles. The soft warm waffles with all the fruit toppings and tempting maple syrup... wow... plus sharing with that special someone .... the heart feels totally coated with honey sugar!! heehee....

All day i think about Food...food.. n more food?????!!

Cravings n Temptations

2004-09-12T17:58:00.000+08:00

Seriously, i have no will power.. at least not towards food!! my god.. i have been sick for 1 week now.. n seriously i m not getting any any better!! in fact, the flu n sore throat just cause me to have more n more sleepless nights.. damn! I know i cannot drink stuff like milo/ chocolate, cannot eat chips n fried food...but my cravings for junk food just cannot stop. Every morning i wake up feeling terrible.. but when i m at work, i cant resist the temptations of chocolaty stuffs.. cannot stop munching crackers sweets.. etc. At nite, i take mid night snacks.. all the peanuts n chips cause my thriat to be super sore in the morning.. almost lost my voice...

To make matters worse, there is mooncakes and lovely muffins together with nice sponge cakes from the Conrad hotel for sale, just outside my working place.. oh no no no no... tempting me everyday... ! Plus my shop gets free mooncakes, i simply eat them almost everyday... so heaty but yet thanks to my cravings.. not able to resist temptations....i end up still in this sick condition... bad bad girl me.... hai.... zzz

Sick.. inside out.. does anyone care?!?!

2004-09-07T16:00:00.000+08:00

I have fallen ill. The usual sore itchy throat .. the usual migraines.. the usual bloated stomach.. the usual body aches n the very very frequent heart ache all going on at the same time.. therefore i must say.. i m sick inside out..!!!

...

I wish i have someone to take care of me ...

...

Seeing couples on the streets.. i cannot help it at times but to stare at them.... not tt i m jealous of them.. but i envy those that are so lovey dovey.. so sweet!! ENVIOUS!! Its really nice when there is a someone in ur life.. Sharing n caring for u.. being there for u.. n allowing you into his/ her life totally..

Thinking about it.. being single n avaliable individual.. without any admirers/crushes/flings..etc... life can be pretty un-interesting.. picturing myself last on the phone with someone... just chit chatting ..talking about anything n everything .. tt seemed like ages ago. Wow, i feel i have lost touch with people. tts not good.......

Seriously, now.. i just wish someone is taking care of me.. hugging me to bed or just chat with me till i fall asleep.. concerning about my illness.. being so nice n sweet......ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh.......i miss that. No one.. really no one cares now...

???????????????????wat the heck..sick then sick lo.... who will bother about jj??!! totally ' ... '

Allergic reaction

2004-08-31T15:06:00.000+08:00

Totally dusty.... !! Stef room is in such a mess... i just cant take the dust..

Well, being kind hearted .. thinking she cant sleep if i dont accompany to... i went to stay over at her house. But damn.. her room was so so dirty n full of dust. Wonder when was the last time she was ever HOME!! i was super super tired.. in fact, i slept on her car. First thing i went to her room, i pulled out the sofa bed n fell asleep. Next thing i woke up.. i took off my contacts n went to bathe.. My eyes were all sore red n teary n very very itchy!! its hurts quite a bit.. but i was too tired to care.. therefore i went to bed thinking i could jus bear with it.. n all would be fine in the morning.

But.. OMG... when i woke up.. my eyes were all red.. n my left eye.. swell up so badly. I mean.. i m suppose to be a primary eye care person.. yet i myself got so shocked! My white part of the eye swell so badly tt my cornea(brown) part of it.. looks indented!! n my whole eye lids area swell n felt very very painful.. n in fact the white part of my eye turned yellow.. n on top of all tt... it kept tearing non stop... BAD BA BAD condition.

I woke stef up n she accompanied me to Optometry centre to check my eyes.. i was down with severe chemosis .. episcleritis. All the terms sound familiar.. but i forgot wats tt.. haha!! so.. my lecturer.. wrote me a referral letter to help cure my pain asap...n asked me to go to the a & e department at NUH.

Best of all.. i could still go orchard n have lunch..did a little shopping before i got myself to the hospital.. wondered wat the ppl om the streets think of my eye!??!?!!!! ..haha

So .. i went to NUH... my god.. the queue was so bloodly long... the estimated waiting time was 2 to 2 1/2 hrs... I hate to wait.. but no choice had to... But .. who knows.... half way thru waiting.. my sister told me i could have gone to private hospital.. suddenly.. i felt so stupid.. wasted so much time waiting... plus.. the doctor there was so totally lousy.. know nuts about eyes..hurting both my eyes!! crap!!! Ended up i wasted like 4hrs at the place n wasted 80 plus bucks... wats tt man...

Bad day for me.. eyes were not doing well.. n my body was aching n i was coughing away.... Bad luck i must say....

M i too persistent or plain stubbon n stuck up ... ??

2004-08-30T16:08:00.000+08:00

Since ages ago.. i just wish i can have a place i call my own.. to be able to support myself.. but i always try to hide my inner feelings and just quietly accept my fate.. in which it seemed to be in my parents hands.. but hell with it.. all they ever did.. were to destroy my confidence n making me feel that i m better off not having them to corrupt my mindset. DAMN!

I tried very hard to maintain a more peaceful environment by keeping my opinons to the minimum n not voicing out any real unhappiness i have.. yet, i guess they are just getting me for granted.. only selectively hear and see the things they want to..thinking i will be afraid of them forever!... the fact is, i m not the least afraid of them.. not afraid of them scolding me, hitting me or wat.. i dont care about making them 'lose face' .. but i jus keep silence to show respect for the elders..

R.E.S.P.E.C.T .. wats that?? that is something that all men deserve if they work hard for it n earn it.. not used for useless shit bums that does not deserve it. SoooOOooooo..... if one does nothing to deserve any respect.. jus dont give it to them.. for they will take things for granted . Thats exactly what i have done wrong for so many years.. i gave them respect they don't deserve.. Thats a total mistake.. n that is why i m persistent about my very own decision.. not to give in to their nonsense.. m i wrong? it gets very out of hand once my mind start thinking of all the posibilities of life in the near future.. my ideas of present future may sound crazy to people.. but all i can say.. its not out of anger that i made the decisions.. n of cos, i cant be certain that my decisions are right... M i just way too stubbon..blaming all around me except myself or should i follow the way i feel n go for what i feel is right???? damn damn damn....... Confused ..

Drama MaMa

2004-08-27T14:56:00.000+08:00

TODAY, a friend of mine told me.. i m somewhat living a drama life.. with unresonable parents, disgusting brother n many fights n disputes going on in my life recently.. Maybe, like he had mentioned.. my family watched way too many HK serials that lead to the very dramatic situation i m in now.. basically almost homeless n rather pathetic. haizzz

If life is so drama mama, then perhaps every scene can be plotted n take NG shots n repeat into something better.. but in reality.. life is worse than dramas.. u can't change anything.. can't choose an ending of preference.. can't plan what to be filmed into our very own life. ZzzzZZzzz..big big SIGHzz***

Rewind rewind rewind.. i is not such a bad word after all... minus off the negative meaning of it.. i mean.. if one can rewind from all the painful memories.. away from all the miseries.. tts still good... then it would be like a load off the chest.. easier to breathe.. easier to cheer up the inner soul...

Imperfections,Commitments...

2004-08-25T15:39:00.000+08:00

Must life be full of imperfections? I agree that life can never be totally perfect but i dont think it is too much to ask for litle little happiness in life to perfect each day. Each day just seem to add on to the already heavy burden.. adding on to the inner unhappiness.. in this way, i dont see how one can try to perfect their day to day life. So totally pathetic..

Everyday, we r filled with different commitments.. commit to perform different tasks that takes on us. What is commitment? Is it something that people are willing to give or just commiting for the sake of routinary daily life .. an excuse to continue each day?! no idea!

I mean, whats the point of commiting to something or someone if one is not willing to do so? Just like being forced to study or work.. if one is unhappy with their day to day activities.. its misery and that adds on to become a huge burden in life. Or just like being force to commit to someone, if the feeling isn't right, if its not done out of love.. commitment is totally wrong! It would be more like a chore than an enjoyment/ fulfilment to commit out of caring n respecting that special someone..

Does it mean no commitment=freedom + flings? It curious me. **

*To me, No commitment just means having more time to think about a proper future..to think of a better way to lead a more fulfilling life.. but wat does it mean to others? more fun n freedom or that people are just too pre occupied with their own life.. having no time left for others..no room to include someone else to lead a new life together?!?!?! i don't understand, its fustrating.

* I don't think no commitment gives people the chance of being able to flirt around, be with anyone you want without thinking of any consequences. i guess avoiding commitment is to try to shrink responsibility.. avoiding reality.. n thats merely out of immature thinking.

Misunderstood..

2004-08-24T04:36:00.000+08:00

Its powerful how words can be twisted n changed into some totally different meaning and people interpret them in some ways you didnt try to mean.. tts really what you call..Mizzz--understooD!

It is also really scary how the mind and heart works.. they seem to be good buddies and yet enemies at times. They contradict in many ways..its confusing..!! Sometimes..your heart feels something..but yet the brain may generate the feeling into somehow..a different idea and thats how people get all messed up emotionally .. its haye wire inside out.. n thats a sad case.It is hard to choose which to follow..the instinct or the logic from the so-called functioning brain! tedious..complex..n totally unreasonable.

'Stressed out'..this cause alot of changes to the mind n body..makes one experience so much at one shot..making people worn out of their energy n lose the sense of speech..thats so so bad.. i need to .. I need To.. I NEED TO.. totally TOTALLY ... ^^Wipped Out^^ ...Wipe Out all the cranky emotions and the F**K up life.. to become the same old brand new me.. it would be great i guess.. being happy inside out n leading a totally new/newer life.. Oh..i cannot WAIT til that bright day starts..

H33h33.. where should i even begin? ..seems like 'talking big'

rewind..

2004-08-21T18:15:00.000+08:00

Rewind.. this word just suddenly hit me..
My heart is aching so badly.. i m so so bad at handling relationships.. or sustaining them. Oh my, i want to leave the life i have been leading.. i want to change my life into a better one. But, i m lost..i dunno where to begin the change.. can i ever change? ...

These few months..everything just stArted to slowly rewind from me.. all the sweetness, all the happiness, all the love i thought i was holding on!

Today is a pretty bad day for me.. i m so thankful i have all those i hold dear with me..supporting me..

i need help.. i really need help at this point in life, i wish to let that someone know.. i need him to be around me.. yet, i cant.. for if i told him.. he might pity me n try to patronise me .. but i dun wan that pity.. i rather try to stand on my own n help myself out.. its hard.. i m mentally breaking down ..who can i ever turn to??!!!!.. totally crazy.. sighzzzz

Losses

2004-08-20T14:01:00.000+08:00

Everyone experiences loss in their life. Losing something or someone may either change our life for the better for vice versa..for the worse, i feel it varies from the two extreme ends!! Ups and downs..life is indeed full of hiccups. I do wish i could be led into a more direct path in life..so that i would not be as lost as how i m currently.

I guess losses are actually helpful..they build character and mind..craft people to become a better human beings and live life well. I feel there is always a relationship between things and people,like a cycle. When You lose something, u will gain another.. n if u gain something, u lose something in return..it just goes round n round.

So, a little suggestion to myself n people around.. :everyone shouldn't give up hope just yet..look on the bright side ..for happiness follows after all the sorrow/loss/pain .. ciao!

Wat a night for me

2004-07-29T15:41:00.000+08:00

I have no idea where everyone rushes to on a wednesday night..anything fascinating on wed nite? that cabs are so highly in demand that they are all 'on call' ... wtf.. i mean.. its already 9:15pm.. i am tired and i need a cab to get home ..none was avaliable.. DAMN.. Well, waiting was still not the worse part of it.. people actually try to steal cabs by standing slightly in front to hail a cab.. the sight is totally disgusting.. typical singaporeans... so inconsiderate. I know everyone is pressing for time.. tired.. etc.. but don't they have eyes to see that someone was actually in the queue... Hello, no courtesy at all!! that got me really upset. In the end, i had to take the bus.. i waited for the cab for 20 mins.. so i had no choice but to board the bus and went all the way to tanglin mall... trying my luck once again. This time.. same problem, people waving along the stretch of road.. in my heart, i was thinking..when can i ever reach home?.. i was blowing my top.. i wished someone could hear me complain... its annoying!! Finally, a nice taxi driver, stopped for me.. w/o stopping for that girl in front of me.. thanks so much... he was right to do so.. as i was hailing a cab like 5 mins before her.. a total relief knowing that i would be home soon.

Tonight is a real bad night for me.. My body hass been aching for so long.. it hurts to move about.. my throat does not feel good.. the feeling is like i am falling sick..

One more thing that ruined my whole damn night.. i was trying to get connected online..that took me pretty long to finally get it signed up and all.. the speakers arent working.. no music..no nothing.. and the loading speed is super super LAGGING... i hate the one tt use the comp the most.. anyways.. i really need to take a breather... i really need to be facing anyone everyong but the people living at where i live... they are eye sores... its killing me slowly..

Tripping stone

2004-07-27T15:30:00.000+08:00

Heard from my friend.. tripping stone means like tripping due to taking stone (ecstasy). The effects will be like feeling cranky and high then follow by feeling weird and stoned. I think w/o pills.. people get that effect too.. not a sudden overnight thing.. but slowly gradually the effects develope. i feel like i m the tripping stone... i cause harm..i create burden and hinder future..slowly inducing pain n hurt..just like being a ban dao shi... i should move away.. move on.. not to harm anymore.

Last night, i had this sad sad sad feeling all of a sudden.. i felt lost.. something i have presisted for so long.. yet, before i am even one third close.. i already knew feelings have changed, people have changed..everythin around had made some changes.. hard to describe the difference i felt inside.. but when i realized it.. i felt uneasy.. upset

Life is never easy..i m contented to have those i love nearby me.. though i dun see them often.. at least i never lose them forever.. though contented.. no one is every quite appreciative with what they are given..i guess just have to constantly remind oneself that life goes on whether u like it or not.. 'REN'.. bear with it..happy days will come in time..** fingers crossed**

What a off day it had been...

2004-07-23T14:59:00.000+08:00

Thursday.. my off day..seemed to have looked forward to this day for so long.. n now.. sadly.. its gonna be over in 10 minutes..

It had been a long day for me.. Had my prawn mee finally this morning.. havent had tt for ages.. used to frequent that bugis prawn mee every sunday.. love the soup base.. haha.. well.. at least i had it today..can resist my craving for it for some time now.. hee

Then.. time passed so slow during the driving lesson this afternoon.. its a DRAG to learn to drive.. the 1 over hour suxxxssszzz...my god.. how many times must i fail TP??.. its scary.. n i m totally not confident for the up coming test.. hai.. miserable.. n very very pathetic..ME..

Well.. evening was quite good for me... hee.. at least i see that someone.. although only met up for like 4 hrs in total.. i tell u.. its better than none...the feeling is great.. to be able to smile in my heart.. feeling happy instead of sadness day in day out.. is life turning better for me?!... well.. as usual.. i m just a confused kid living on earth.. searching for solutions day to day...

Finally .. a long awaited off day

2004-07-22T15:36:00.000+08:00

Ok..i have been working continuously for 9 long days.. although the hours are not that long.. its from 12-9pm.. but its very tiring. One thing is that i sleep pretty late.. i sleep about 3am on the average.. and i wake up about 9am in the morning.. plus i dream dream dream too much during my so-called sleep.. which makes my brain work all nite w/o resting.. Sooooo... i never actually REST!! Therefore, i am so bloody worn out.. My body ache is really bad.. i need a massage badly. I saw the sign board stating $20 dollars shoulder massage while i walked passed the KENKO shop this morning and i was so tempted to walk in to try.. but time doesnt permit that.. i had to rush to work.. i dont even have 20 mins to spare..

Oh my.. thanks thanks thanks so much for a off day.. where i can finally slack at home.. do nothing and jus hug my tv all day long.. or at least for the whole half day..haha.. i love watching tv programmes.. they take my mind off all the worries i have and just glue myself to the bed.. n eyes glued to the shows on. Love that feeling...

And i m so happy about one more thing that is happening tomorrow.. i cant wait for the time to fast forward till 6pm in the evening.. n see someone i havent seen for like 9 days..i m quite excited inside.. but of course i have to act like normal..stay cool on the outside.. not to let the person know how delighted i am.. heehee.. thinking of seeing that someone also bring smiles to my face.. feel so silly smiling to my thoughts... hee

routinary daily job

2004-07-21T14:17:00.000+08:00

Well, i just got into full time working life less than 2 months.. yet i m getting tired of my present job. My job scope is not wide, in fact there is nothing much for me to do and that is a real serious problem for me. I hate to be bored without anything to do, it makes me feel unless idlying in the shop. All i can do, is to try to pretend to do something that is just totally unnecessary to 'act' busy. But inside.. i am feeling totally suxxxxzz! Everyday, i am counting the hours left before i can go off work, dragging myself to work.. work becomes something that i never look forward to.

I guess being a student is still the Best! Minus off the exams.. i guess thats the most fun part of life.. to be a student .. to receive knowledge and just be youself. I feel, being a student.. all you need to account to is yourself. In the working world.. you have to learn to work with all sorts of people, taking peoples' temper and weird attitude, being warned about wrong working styles that your boss does not fancy or etc. Thats very stressful and unpleasant to deal with day to day.. Oh, i jus wish wish wish i can be a student.. study.. slack.. hang out with friends whenever i want.. not worried that i have to work the next day... that will be cool!