Dream a little Dream

its been a long time since i last wrote to myself thru this channel. sometimes talking to yourself is maybe the best idea because who really cares how you feel in the modern day and life. Everyone is caught up in their life, everyone wants to talk then who will listen?

i really have no idea what got into me this last couple of years. i went into a relationship that i was unclear of and went on losing myself in the process. i think i want to be in a  hopelessly romantic relationship yet a sensible practical guy  to be able to love me and provide for me. Where to find such a guy? 

i start to question myself now why i hang on for such a long time? do i really love this person so much that i totally changed into someone i am not? did i persist because i think i can make this imperfect relationship work out in the end? or am i too lazy to look for love anymore? 

if i have a low tolerance level then maybe i have an even low persistence level. i thought i had it figured out by day 03 and by day 04 i begged for love. How pathetic and desperate? i felt so embarrassed. i have never been so desperate in my life. it's now day 06 and i wish to scream out I MISS U! I REALLY LOVE U ... you hurt me so bad.  

maybe i watch so many hk dramas and secretly i wish the guy will come running to me and tell me that everything will be ok, we can work things out together and get through this. all i want is a LONG LONG HUG. i don't want to cry myself to sleep every night or drink and take pills to catch some minimal rest. 

so many thoughts run through my head and i wish i am ok by now... yet i am still far from being ok. 

say nighty night and kiss me... just hold me tight and tell me you'll miss me... while im alone and blue as can be... dream a little dream of me.

GOOD NITE