Dunno Dun Care

I guess if u ask me what have i been doing lately? i myself don't really know why time flew by so quickly with nothing much being accomplished.
Often we see on newspaper, magazines.. 50 gorgeous ppl, 50 men we love, etc etc.. all the success stories to boost up some confidence, to buck up and improve our lifes...but?! whats about the sad stories about the unfortunate or the below average people that are trying to make ends meet? Shouldnt we be contented and thankful for what we have?.. it just emphasises the fact that singaporeans choose to be ignorant about issues outside singapore. It seems that JB ban of petrol sales to singapore cars created a bigger discussion than cyclone or earthquarkes that are happening out of singapore.

Anyways, at this midnight hour, i am rather sleepy tired yet sad and unwell. I have been unwell for almost a month. Doctor cannot diagnose why i have been so down on my immune system.. i cant explain why i m so sick either.. ?!?! i wanna tell them so badly.. i m not here for a bloody piece of mc.. i jus wanna get well and get going.. It has affected me quite a bit.. no energy to be up and about.. no time to do anythin but to feel sick be sick and not well from being sick. It really sucks... i feel so sickly that mentally its affecting me. Anyhows, i think i am starting to get better... hope its a good sign.

Api api api.. i miss my api. Saw her friend across the street that night.. i shouted : Api, are you there? are you playing with your friend? I somehow have not wake up on the idea that she left me. I am still hoping she come home someday.. to greet me .. to be with me. Its been months, i dare not look the video of api, i finally looked at it again.. i broke down again. Even watching my hk serials made me miss her. The way they protrayed those not in time to save someone.. regretted being late.. i broke down. Useless jj .. i try, i pretend to be strong.. but my heart is weak..maybe the brain is linked up with the eyes, but i guess tears link up with the heart.. when your heart aches.. your tears just overflow and flood yr brain up with images of sadness hurt pain past happiness.

School..what about school?! School is rather meaningless for i do not need the cert that might be in my hands next year. I feel sorry that i wasted my parents money to study this course. I do not enjoy business, i do not like the modules i study, i can scrape thru.. but i cant excel.. i am not sure if i am jus always an average student, or am i just lazy .. or am i just not cut out for studying.Future still still but a blur.. present is filled with my day to day screw ups. I think i am getting a little cranky. People get a degree to help in their career..i try to get a degree for this is the only course my dad reluctantly fork out money to let me study. Why does the rich kids get to study but they don't study.. yet those that want to study either do not meet the grades or just no luck with money. I feel some part of me never give up trying to get back into sciences. It was my wish to want to get into medicine school, my parents did not give me an opportunity.i lost my track. neither did my parents educate me on options or pathways to take..from all my mistakes.. i learn the hard way. So now, being so old with no accomplishments,everything is a blur. What can you do with a 30k paper that is worthless? i feel i am such a joke!

So many issues, so many problems.. i try to be ignorant and lead a simple life .. but every once in a while.. i go crazy. I feel miserable.. like now! I cant sleep.. i have a bad body and neck ache.. plus heart ache too! i know api will make me feel better if she is here..

Good nite api, good nite dd, good nite ola and boo.. good nite world.may everyone find their inner peace