i should. would. i could

This week has gone by real slow.. suddenly..i wish time fly pass faster.. hurry hurry... time.. fly fly fly pls!

Its hard to go everywhere n anywhere without the thot f u my love.... api.. i want nothin.. i wan u to be a happy fat fat cat.. i miss kissing hugging sleeping with u.

Well, here is a poem sent to me by my friend.. its really sweet..

this is for u api.....

She's my alarm clock in the morning,
she's my friend and companion at night.
And in all the in-between timesshe's never out of my sight.
It's such a lovely feelingto know she depends on me
for her food and warmth and shelter
so she gives me her love to see.
She plays with her toys; plays hide and seek,
she's become the boss of the house!
Yet she has more fun with a walnut shell than she does with a catnip mouse!
The pleasure she gives me is a treasure.
She greets me when I come in the door.
She seems to say "I've been lonesome,so please don't go out anymore!
"She's my delight, my friend and my prankster.
She pounces and jumps up real highfor a ball of yarn
or a wiggly stringwith a purr or a soft little cry.
She washes her face after eating,
keeps her striped fur clean and sleek.
Then she jumps on my lap for approval
and then curls up to sleep.
So I wouldn't give up my kitty
for the world and all of its' gold.
'Cause if my kitty weren't with me
this world would be awfully cold!

Somehow, all that are close are leaving me.. i know there is always a time we need to say goodbye.. but i still living in denial.

Yang yang, my dear friend in clinic is leaving for hm.. to uk..tts far... i really wish i have my lunch buddy close to me.

Dion is leaving me in 3 weeks...

Api left way too soon...

Who else is leaving me? ....

API: I wanna grow old with u

Ain't she lovely? She's my lil api

Today, my world crumbled down on me. My heart broke. I woke up in shock having the worst day that can ever happen to me till this day in my life. The lost of api.

Api is 1yr n 11mths old. Its her 2nd birthday in weeks to come, 15th february. But she departed before celebratig it.

I cannot accept the fact that she has gone. I know its my fault that she is dead. I never bring her home to safety. Why must the asshole driver speed? Why must you kill such an intelligence lil cat. Why did i fall asleep without checking that my baby is safe at home on her bed?

Now i have to live in pain and loneliness without her around me.

She has been so faithful to me, accompany me to bed, waking me up in the mornings, waiting for me to come home in the evenings, watch tv together and share food and drinks together.

I really want and wish to grow old with api, giving her love and comfort. I want to bring her everywhere and anywhere i go? Y she left me?!Y i abandon her out in the cold last nite?

I cant forgive my mistake, i cant accept the fact that i cant feel her presence anymore, i cant close my eyes knowing she is not sleeping beside me.

I love u so so much api, i miss u. I want u to come home, i want nothin but u api. Come home to mummy cos i cant afford to lose u. Can u hear me??

Api, u r the sweetest thing ever that happen to me. U love me and care for me and u always around me. I m sorry that i am useless and thoughtless. I brought harm upon u.

No one can ever replace api.. my world crashed.